


To Feel Your Heartbeat

by badboybellamy



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Boys In Love, Depressed Newt, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 02:44:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13354824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badboybellamy/pseuds/badboybellamy
Summary: Newt couldn't take the sleepless nights or the anxiety and jealousy he felt thinking about his boyfriend going out late with Teresa. When Thomas finally comes home drunk and smelling of her, Newt snaps. He doesn't mean the vicious attacks he sends to Thomas in the form of anger rolling off his tongue. It just happens. And once the words are out he can't stop himself from inflicting more damage. And Thomas doesn't think he can handle the aftermath.This is a songfic to Hold On by Chord Overstreet and I would suggest listening to that song while reading this.





	To Feel Your Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to preface this story with a warning that if you are triggered by depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts or attempts than please do NOT read this. There is a suicide attempt within this story and I would hate to trigger anyone. Please, take care of yourselves.
> 
> Also, I would like that if you enjoy this story please leave a comment below. This will be really helpful as I am wondering if I should do a part 2 or not. Thank you very much and please enjoy!

 It was late, probably thirty til midnight when Thomas stumbled noisily through the front door of their shared apartment. Newt, who had been waiting up for him on the living room couch, sighed.

How many more nights could he endure of this? When will Thomas come to his senses? When will he listen to me? Newt wondered if the boy even cared for him anymore.

Thomas’s feet dragged against the carpet as he stepped into the room, quickly occupying the empty space beside the blonde. “Where have you been?” Newt asked, knowing the answer already. He could smell the booze and women’s perfume on his boyfriend.

“I wass celebratin’ the end of exam week.” Thomas slurred. 

“For the past three nights?” He asked, trying to keep his cool.

“Yeah. We passed after all.”

“Oh yeah? I’m sure you’re just as thrilled to be drinking with _her_ as you are about passing.” Newt couldn’t hide the accusatory tone in his voice.

“Now what’s that supposed to mean?” Thomas asked, suddenly feeling slightly sober. He wasn’t though. Newt could tell as much. Sober Thomas was pretty level headed. Unlike Newt, Thomas was a rational person. He liked to solve problems between two people by sitting down and talking things out. Newt liked to scream, and cry, and throw things.

“You know exactly what it’s supposed to bloody mean.” Newt snapped. His patience was wearing exceedingly thin. He has been waiting for HOURS for Tommy to get home. The past few nights Newt had laid awake at night waiting for his boyfriend to return home to him. Even after the boy was under the covers beside him, sleep still seemed to evade him. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically. He just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I can hang out with whoever I want to, Newt. You’re not the shucking boss of me.” Thomas’s brown eyes bore into Newt’s making his body shiver under such an intense gaze.

“You shouldn’t be out with her! I’m your bloody boyfriend!” Newt screamed, his voice shrill. “I have been waiting here for you. I am always shucking waiting on you!”

“I never asked you to!” Thomas said, raising his voice to be just as loud as the blondes.

“Well what do you expect me to do? Sleep knowing my boyfriend’s been going out with a girl that’s been in love with him for years?” Newt was starting to see red. He knew in his heart that Theresa has been trying to worm her way in between the boys and into Tommy’s heart.

“Theresa’s not in love with me!” Thomas defended lamely, standing up and backing up from Newt and his accusation.

Newt let out a bitter laugh and shook his head. “Don’t play dumb with me, Tommy. You know as much as I do she would fuck you in a heartbeat.” Newt felt his face heating up as his fist clenched by his side. Newt shot up after him. “ _DON’T LIE TO ME!_ ” He screamed getting in Thomas’s face, slamming his hands into the brunettes chest to crowd him against the wall.

“Why are you always so shucking paranoid?” Thomas demanded, hating how much Newt refused to trust him. But he was drunk and all the words he tried to say stumbled off his tongue in all the wrong ways.

“Oh so now I’m the problem? Don’t you dare turn this on me, Tommy! You’re the one that’s going behind my back with a girl! What the shuck are you even doing?”

“I’m not going behind your back. Stop being so goddamn dramatic!” Thomas said, the booze from his breath and clothes filling the room. Newt took one step back as Thomas took two steps forward.

“If I’m so dramatic why don’t you go to your little girlfriend? I’m so sick of this, Tommy. If you’re gonna break up with me just fucking do it. Be a man for once in your fucking life.” Newt’s voice was cold and hard but as he kept opening his mouth and more hurtful words escaped his lips. He began to regret everything he’s been saying. Scared Tommy would really leave him, he panicked. The only thing Newt could do was close his eyes and smother all the hurt and fear down, replacing it with another burst of anger.

“At least she thinks I’m a man at all!” Thomas yelled, knowing this wasn’t what the fight was about but unable to help himself.

Newt scoffed, feeling anger bubble in his chest he stretched his arms out and shoved Thomas’s chest. The other boy stumbled back and fell onto the floor. It didn’t hurt, Thomas could register as much. Newt hadn’t pushed him hard, didn’t really want to hurt him. The shock of it all made Thomas’s blood boil. “Fuck you.” Newt said, his voice cold and filled with so much anger that Thomas almost couldn’t recognize it.

“Fuck me? Fuck you, Newt. Get off your high horse already. Theresa would never treat me like this. Maybe you’re right.” Thomas said, regretting it as soon as it was out.

“Maybe you’re right. Y’know, Tommy, if you want to be with her so shucking badly why don’t you go live with her?” Newt suggested, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Thomas scrambled up from the floor and swayed in front of the couch. “Maybe I will.”

Newt’s face went hard and cold, his jaw clenching tightly. “Then go.” He said, pointing to the front door. Thomas didn’t move. “Go.” He repeated, Thomas stated rooted in his spot. “Get the fuck out!” Newt screamed, moving forward to beat his fist against the brunettes chest. “Get the fuck away from me! I hate you! I hate you! Get out!” He yelled, body wracked with sobs by this point.

Thomas was frozen in place. His legs felt as heavy as led and his arms itched to wrap around the blonde’s middle to comfort him. He didn’t move. He couldn’t. He let Newt scream and cry and beat against his chest. 

Newt felt his legs give out as he slid down to the floor. “Get out! Get out! Get the fuck out!” He screamed through his tears.

So Thomas turned and walked out. He looked back to see Newt collapsed on the floor sobbing and decided he could never hate anyone more than himself. He opened the front door and quietly closed it behind him.

 

* * *

 

When Thomas returned it was probably around 4 in the morning. He quietly closed the front door to their apartment behind him before stepping into the living room. Everything looked exactly as it had before he left.

Thomas went into the tiny kitchenette and grabbed a cup to get some water. He quickly downed the glass to help his body heal from too much alcohol.

He turned the lights off as he left the kitchen and made his way into their bedroom. The lights were off and he presumed Newt was already in bed. Turning the flashlight on his phone on he found a pair of black joggers and a plain white t-shirt and quietly put them on. He found a dark blue jacket just laying around on the floor and put that on as well to help fight the chill he got from being outside for so long.

Slowly he crawled into bed, exhaustion deep in his bones. He sprawled his arm and leg out in order to wrap them around his boyfriend to cuddle like they did every night only to find the other half of the bed cold and empty.

Thomas shot up out of bed. Where the fuck was Newt? Panic began to fill his body as he got up and began to search the apartment for Newt. 

Light streamed through the bottom of the bathroom door at the end of the hallway and Thomas ran to it. “Newt?” He called, knocking on the door. “Newt, baby, are you in there?” Thomas’s voice as soft and gentle as if he were afraid to scare the other boy. After receiving no reply he turned the knob only to realize the door was locked. Thomas tried to turn the knob harder. He felt panic take over his entire body. “Newt! Newt! Please, open the door! I’m sorry, baby! Okay? I’m sorry.” He pleaded, fumbling with the door handle.

Thomas felt something wet begin to soak through his sock and looked down. He swore his heart stopped when he saw the small puddle of blood seeping through from under the door. “ _NEWT_!” He screamed, voice shrill with panic. “Newt! Open the door!” He demanded.

When he received no response he steadied himself before shoving his shoulder against the door and pushing with all of his might. After a few tries and bruising to his shoulder, he managed to break through the bathroom door.

Thomas gasped at the sight of Newt limply laying against the cabinets below the sink. His arm off to the side with a slit through his wrist and a razor on the floor.

Thomas quickly dropped to his knees in front of the blonde. “Newt!” He screamed, voice trembling. He grabbed the blondes face in his hands and gently hit the boys cheek to try and wake him up. “Newt, babe, can you hear me? Oh god. Please wake up. Please! Please don’t leave me!” He sobbed.

There was still no movement from Newt. Thomas close his eyes and steeled himself with a deep breath. He hoped when he opened his eyes this wouldn’t be real. That it would be a dream, just a really bad dream.

His brown eyes opened to a shocking contrast of dark red blood against alarmingly pale skin. Thomas jerked into action, his hands shaking as he tore his jacket from his body. As quickly as he could he wrapped the jacket around Newt’s wrist to try and stop the blood from pouring out the blondes body.

Thomas gently lifted his boyfriends thin frame and cradled him as close as he could to his chest. He could faintly feel Newt’s heart beating against his own body and was hit with a wave of relief.

“Please don’t leave me!” Thomas cried into blonde curls, his tears falling on the boys hair.

Thomas stood up and lifted Newt, holding him bridal style against his chest.

Thomas ran from the bathroom to the living room. He grabbed the keys from the counter and quickly shoved his feet into some vans.

Thomas fumbled with the door with one hand, careful not to drop Newt. Once open he walked into the hall and struggled to close the door behind him. He didn’t even bother locking it, rushing to the end of the hall to get to the elevator.

He pressed the button to go down. And pressed it again. And pressed it again. Again. Again. Again.

He wanted to scream from frustration. Why the fuck was it taking so _long_? It felt like an eternity of waiting before he finally gave up and pushed the door to the stairwell open with his bruised shoulder.

Thomas ran as hard and fast as he could, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

He ran out of the apartment complex and straight to his parking spot. He pressed the button to unlock his car, and somehow managed to open the passenger side door. He gently set Newt down on the seat and buckled him in before running to get into the front seat.

As soon as he had the car started he pulled out of the parking lot, his tires squealing against the pavement.

Thomas drove down the highway, nervously glancing at Newt’s pale face illuminated by the moonlight. He had one hand on the wheel and the other applying pressure against Newt’s bleeding wrist.

Thomas could barely take the silence. His head was filled with dark thoughts of Newt bleeding out on his passenger seat. Thomas wasn’t a godly man in the slightest but in that moment he prayed to whoever could possibly be listening not take Newt from him.

He needed Newt more than he’s ever needed anyone before in his entire life. Thinking back on everything he’s done the past week he couldn’t believe he had been so blind. So stupid. If anything happened to Newt, if he didn’t make it, Thomas would never forgive himself.

“Hang on, Newt. Please just hang on for me.” He begged, hoping somehow the other boy could hear him. Would fight for him.

“I need you, Newt. I love you so much. Please don’t leave me.”

Thomas pulled into the hospital parking lot after an eternity of driving. He parked in the closest available spot and pulled the keys from the ignition. Thomas ripped the door open and ran around to the other side of the car. He opened the door and gently scooped Newt up in his arms. The brunette closed the door with his foot and ran as hard as he could into the emergency room.

“I need a doctor!” He called as soon as he saw the nurse at the reception desk. “Please, I need a doctor right _now_!” His voice hoarse from screaming.

The nurse quickly paged the doctor and grabbed a nearby stretcher. “Sir, can you lay him down?”

Thomas stared at the stretcher for a moment, frozen in his place. “Sir.” The nurse said, snapping him out of his stupor. Thomas reluctantly laid Newt down on the stretcher. He stared at his boyfriends face, he reached an arm out and pushed his bangs back and off his sweaty forehead.

“Sir, what happened?” The nurse asked calmly, starting to wheel the stretcher back.

“He uh...I don’t know...I left and I came back and....” Thomas couldn’t tear his eyes off of Newt’s pale and stoic face. Thomas swallowed the lump in his throat and choked back his tears. “He slit his wrist.”

“Okay, Sir, what is your relationship with the patient?” She asked as more nurses ran into the room to help wheel Newt back for surgery.

“Boyfriend.” Thomas said quietly. “I’m his boyfriend.”

“Okay.” The nurse said. “We have to take him back now. I will come get you as soon as I can.”

Thomas nodded his head, feeling numb as he watched the nurses wheel Newt through the doors. “Please don’t leave me!” He screamed as the doors closed, panic filling his entire body.

Thomas didn’t know what to do. He stood there in shock, staring at the door that Newt had disappeared through. He thought about the last things he said to Newt and his whole body began to tremble. What if that’s the last thing he ever gets to say to Newt? What if...what if Newt....

“Sir.” A female voice called out to him. “Sir. Sir. Sir!” Finally, Thomas snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the blonde nurse in front of him.

“Yeah?” He answered, voice hoarse.

“Can I ask you a few questions?” Her voice was gentle and calm so Thomas nodded in response. “Okay, sir, now what’s your name?”

“Thomas.” The brunette answered before clearing his throat, his voice hoarse from screaming.

“Okay, Thomas, what is your boyfriends name?”

“Newt. His name is Newton Isaacs.” Thomas answered flatly, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Thank you, Thomas. I’m gonna ask you some questions about what happened. These may be difficult for you to answer so please take your time. Is that okay with you?” Thomas nodded once again. “Does your boyfriend have a history of suicidal thoughts or tendencies?”

“Yes.” Thomas answered, hating himself even more for having treated Newt so badly after knowing how self destructive he can be. “He’s tried to take his life before.”

“Thank you, Thomas. You’re doing great.” She reassured with a small smile. “Do you happen to know his blood type?”

“A. Newt is A positive.” He answered, having know from a previous attempt.

“Alright, now one more question. Is there anyone you can call to sit here with you while you wait?”

Thomas nodded his head slowly, feeling as though his body was going through the motions while his mind was still trying to catch up to the situation he was in.

“Why don’t you give them a call, sweetheart.” She suggested. She watched as Thomas felt his sweatpants for his phone only to realize he hadn’t grabbed it. “Don’t have it? That’s okay. I’m sure that was the last thing on your mind.” She smiled warmly at him and walked over to the reception desk. She took the phone from off the receiver and held it out to Thomas who took it with shaky hands. “Take your time and make the call whenever you’re ready.”

“Th-thank you.” Thomas said dumbly.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Now, I’m gonna go inside and check on your boyfriend. I will come find you as soon as I know more, okay? Don’t worry.”

“T-thank you.” Thomas repeated, lip quivering from unshed tears.

“It’s no problem.” She promised, giving him one last smile before disappearing though the same doors Newt was taken.

Thomas broke down as he pressed the numbers of Minho’s number. Thomas didn’t even know what time it was but as he sobbed into the phone he prayed his friend would pick up.

“Hello?” He heard his friend say, voice thick with sleep. “Hello?” He repeated when he got no answer. All Thomas could do on the other line was sob into the phone. “Thomas? Thomas is that you?” He asked, rustling on the other end alerted Thomas that his friend was now sitting up from his bed.

“It’s...me.” Thomas chocked through his sobs.

“Thomas! Thomas, what happened? Are you okay? Where are you?” Minho asked, starting to panic himself.

“Hospital...Newt....” he managed to choke out, crying even harder now.

“Okay. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. I’m on my way.”

“T-thank you.” He choked out, breathing erratically from all the sobbing he had been doing.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry, Thomas.” The brunette heard more rustling on the other end and knew Minho would be getting ready to leave. “I’m leaving now.” He assured. “Do you want me to stay on the phone?” He asked, voice calm and gentle.

“No. It’s okay...just please...please hurry.” Thomas begged, he couldn’t do this alone and he knew his friend wouldn’t let him.

“Okay. I’m hurrying. I’ll be there real soon.” Thomas felt slightly better after hearing this, he hung up the phone and waited.

 

* * *

 

Thomas alternated from pacing the waiting area or sitting down and shaking his leg up and down from his nerves. Every time he closed his eyes he would see Newt’s pale skin and his deep red blood and could barely take it anymore.

“Holy shit!” He heard a familiar voice gasp, making Thomas’s head jerk up to look at his friend.

Minho looked as though he had just seen a ghost. Thomas stood in front of him with dark red blood covering his plain white cotton t-shirt. Blood was smeared across his cheek from wiping away his own tears and in his forehead and in his hair from anxiously running his fingers through the dark locks.

Minho surged forward and pulled Thomas into the tightest hug he could ever remember receiving. “Are you okay?” He asked softly, patting his friends back in order to comfort him.

Thomas clutched Minho’s frame tightly, seeking his warmth after holding his boyfriends freezing cold body against his. Thomas felt his throat tighten as he tried to answer so he only shook his head in response.

Minho took Thomas’s arm and led him to sit down. Minho has a hand gently resting on Thomas’s arm to keep his friend grounded as he cried himself of all his tears and managed to catch his breath. “What happened?” Minho asked once the other boy had calmed down, his voice was soft and gentle, as if he was worried he’d startle Thomas.

“W-we had a fight.” Thomas started, voice hoarse and broken. “I h-had been out with...with Teresa for drinks and...a-and I came home late.” Thomas explained. “We just...we just screamed at each other. It went too far and I was d-drunk. I didn’t mean a-anything I said. And h-he kicked me out and I shouldn’t have...I shouldn’t have left him a-alone.” Thomas cried out. “It’s all my fault!”

“Tom, it’s not you’re fault.” Minho assured, squeezing his arm comfortingly.

“I just...I thought he was asleep. Then I went to hold him...to apologize and...and he wasn’t there. I got scared and I just looked for him and he w-was locked in the bathroom. He was just lying on the f-floor when I broke through. T-there was just so _much_ blood!” Thomas’s big brown eyes were wide and glazed over like he was still trapped in the moment-trapped in the bathroom with Newt’s limp body. “Anyway, I just picked him up and ran here.” He said flatly, trying to compose himself.

“It’s okay. You did the right thing. There was no way to know this would happen. Don’t blame yourself.” Minho said, staring into Thomas’s wide brown eyes to show his sincerity. “Besides, Newt’s strong. He’ll pull through, he always does.” The Asian male insisted, pulling Thomas in for another hug. “It’s gonna be okay. He’s gonna be okay.”

Thomas numbly nodded and hugged his friend back, feeling and looking lost. When Minho pulled back he saw the dark circles under Thomas’s tired eyes and the blood that coated his tan face. “I’m gonna go get you a coffee.” Minho said before turning around the room to look for the restroom. “Why don’t you go clean up in there and I’ll be back by the time you’re done, okay?” He suggested gently, knowing Thomas must’ve been in too much shock to realize how much of his boyfriends blood was all over his body.

“Okay.” Thomas said weakly, standing up and slowly walking into the men’s room.

As soon as Thomas closed the door and flipped the light switch he regretted agreeing to this. Slowly he walked in hesitant steps towards the mirror above the sink. Thomas could not believe the reflection that stared back belonged to him.

His brown hair stood up on all ends from anxiously running his fingers through it. His face was coated with blood...Newt’s blood. His once white shirt was stained with dark red from where his boyfriends wrist had bled out against his chest and stomach.

Thomas’s shaky hands reached out to the mirror as if he could not believe any of this was real. His whole body trembled as he turned the sink on. He took his blood stained hands and allowed the water to run over them before cupping water and splashing it against his face. When he looked back up and saw the blood still staining his cheeks he almost screamed. This couldn’t be happening. Thomas began to scrub his face with his hands, determined to wash the blood off to give him the illusion that all of this was a sick, twisted dream.

He combed his hair back with wet hands, his damp bangs falling onto his forehead. There was nothing Thomas could do about his shirt and so he gave up on that idea and opted to do a few breathing exercises in order to calm his nerves.

Thomas’s body was chilled to the bone from shock after the trauma of seeing his boyfriend so close to death. Thomas left the bathroom, unable to be alone with his reflection and thoughts.

Minho wasn’t back yet so Thomas just paced the room, wondering when the nurse would come back to tell him how his boyfriend was.

All Thomas wanted was for his boyfriend to be okay. To tell him he loved him and wanted to go back home with him. That’s all. He loved Newt so much and he would never ever take him for granted again. Would never make him jealous or hurt so much because of some silly girl. Newt was everything to him and he couldn’t lose him. Not like this. Not ever.

“Here.” He heard Minho say, breaking him from his thoughts. Thomas’s cold, trembling hands took the hot styrofoam cup gratefully.

“Thanks, man.” Thomas said, feeling slightly more collected than before his friend got there.

“No problem.” Minho placed a hand on Thomas’s shoulder and squeezed slightly only to raise an eyebrow in confusion when the other boy winced. “What happened?” He asked, concern welling in his eyes.

“Oh.” Thomas said, voice flat. He moved to lift the sleeve of his t-shirt up to reveal a large purple bruise. “When I broke down the door I guess....” he trailed.

Minho nodded in understanding and took a sip of his own coffee. “At least you’re okay.” He murmured.

The two sat in silence for about two hours. Thomas was constantly getting up to pace the room and then sitting back down only to get back up to pace the room some more.

Minho said nothing about this. He couldn’t possibly comprehend the shock Thomas must be in and knew it wasn’t his place to tell his friend how to cope. 

 

* * *

 

The door of the ER opened and out stepped the blonde nurse from earlier. Thomas’s head snapped up as soon as he heard the door open. “How is he?” He asked quickly, his words so rushed they could barely be made out.

The nurse smiled warmly at him. “He’s stable and doing fine. He’s had a blood transfusion and underwent surgery to get his wrist somewhat repaired and stitched up. He is very lucky that you found him and got him here so quickly. Had you not wrapped his wrist and applied pressure it’s very likely your boyfriend wouldn’t have made it.”

Thomas let out a shaky breath and collapsed to the ground. He let out a small laugh of relief, his hands mussing up his hair. “Oh thank god!” He breathed out, overwhelmed with emotion.

“However-“ Thomas’s head snapped back up at this-“there is no way to tell how well his wrist and hand will function until he wakes up.”

Thomas nodded slowly. Sure that would be terrible if it were the case but Thomas couldn’t be bothered to care about that right now. His boyfriend was alive, after all.

“Can I see him?” Thomas asked, eyes shimming.

“I think that’s a fine idea.” She glanced behind Thomas at Minho and smiled at the other boy. “Is this your friend?” Thomas nodded. “It should be fine for you to come back as well. I’ll take you to his room since he’s still in the recovery ward.”

Minho stood up and moved towards Thomas, who stumbled as soon as he stood up. Thomas himself was feeling so out of it. Too much shock and emotion had occurred within the last few hours he felt like he was going to crash. Minho quickly shot an arm out to wrap around Thomas to help him steady himself. “You good?” He asked, concerned.

“Yeah.” Thomas answered, meaning it this time. “Yeah, he’s gonna be okay. I’m okay.” Minho waited a few moments before he walked forward, following the nurse to Newt’s room.

“Well this is it.” The nurse said, stopping in front of a closed door. “Feel free to enter whenever you’re ready. There’s a button you can press if you need a nurse.” She explained. Minho thanked her and she disappeared down the hall.

With a shaky exhale Thomas opened the door to Newt’s room, feeling the need to brace himself. Even though the worst was over he still felt anxious and fearful.

Thomas couldn’t help but smile with tears filling his brown eyes as he saw Newt and the heart monitoring showing his steady heartbeat.

Even though the blonde boy looked incredibly pale and statuesque Thomas felt relieved all the same.

 _“Oh, Newt_.” He whispered, making his way into the room. Thomas sat down in the chair closest to Newt, taking the boys hand in his own. He pressed his boyfriends hand against his cheek and nuzzled it lovingly.

Minho could not even begin to describe the love and affection that shone in Thomas’s eyes as they hungrily took in Newt’s still figure. “Hey, Thomas.” He said softly.

“Hmm?” The brunette answered, never taking his eyes off of Newt.

“I’m gonna phone Alby and let him know that Newt’s okay but won’t be coming into work at the café this week. That okay?” He asked softly.

“Yeah. That’s great.” Thomas turned to face Minho, a small but sincere smile on his face. “Thanks, man.”

“Don’t mention it.” Minho said, feeling quite fond of Thomas and how taken he was for Newt. Minho quietly closed the door behind him. It was nearing seven in the morning and he was feeling quite exhausted himself. He couldn’t imagine how tired Thomas must feel.

Alby has picked up after quite a few rings, which was to be expected at such an early hour. Minho calmly explained to the other boy that their friend was in the hospital and would be there indefinitely. He suggested Alby let Newt take a leave of absence to get his mind right before returning to work. Alby was one of Newt’s closest friends and so he quickly agreed, asking if there was anything he could do for the blonde boy. Minho promised to keep him updated before saying his goodbye and hanging up the phone.

When he opened the door to Newt’s room he couldn’t help but smile at the sight before him. Thomas’s head rested on the empty space beside Newt’s frame on the hospital bed. Even in his sleep, Thomas had a firm grip on his boyfriends hand as if even his subconscious still feared him leaving this world.

Minho suddenly felt as though he was intruding on a special moment. Even though both boys were asleep Minho decided that once one of them woke up it would be best for them to have a moment for just them. So they could talk about and process what happened. He knew Thomas was feeling terribly guilty and needed Newt to reassure him that not everything is his fault- reassure him that he’s gonna be okay.

Minho quietly walked out of the hospital room and shut the door behind him to give them some privacy. They were both sleeping so peaceful together he couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to disturb them. Minho decided to walk to the hospital cafeteria to get some breakfast and decided he’d stop at the gift shop later to pick up something nice for Newt.

 

* * *

 

Newt smelled blood and bleach and something familiarly earthy. His eyes yet to be opened and his conscious still not fully aware, Newt registered a stinging pain in his wrist and the fact that he wasn’t dead.

He tried to think back, remember what happened and how he got here. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly to concentrate. He remembers having a fight with Thomas. He remembers screaming and crying. He remembers kicking him out of the house. And then locking himself in the bathroom....and then hurting himself. And then....he thinks he remembers hearing some banging on the door. And maybe part of him heard Thomas calling out his name and begging him not to leave. _Newt_. He think he remembers hearing. _Open the door. Please. Newt, Can you hear me? Please don't leave me. Please!_

His brown eyes shot open, his body moving forward on the small hospital bed. He saw a head of messy brown hair laying on the bed beside him. His hand still clasped loosely in the boy’s. Tommy. Newt couldn’t help but feel shame fill his body in the physical form of stomach bile. How could he continue to put Tommy through so much?

Thomas began to stir from the slight movements Newt made on the bed. He lifted his head up from the bed and peered up at Newt through red rimmed eyes. Newt felt like he was drowning in guilt and taking Thomas down with him.

“ _Hey_.” Thomas said, his voice soft and hoarse from the agonizingly painful hours he had spent screaming and crying over Newt. “You’re awake.” He stated, sitting up in the chair and rubbing his eyes.

Newt looked at Thomas with his mouth slightly agape. The brunette white shirt was stained dark red. Almost the whole front of the shirt was covered in it...in his blood. Newt swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling nauseous. “Hey.” Newt said back, feeling very unsure of himself.

“I love _you_.” Thomas said as if the brunette had been holding those words in for hours and was about to explode if he didn’t get them out soon.

“I know.” Newt promised. “I love you too.” He offered voice flat as if it were a fact that could never be changed.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Thomas said, clutching Newt’s hand tightly in his own. He felt tears well in his eyes. “Shuck.” He hissed willing himself not to cry. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Newt felt guilt and shame paralyze his body. He stared at Tommy, truly taking in the sight of him. The blood that stained his shirt had also left faint stains on his handsome face and tan arms. The color taunting Newt that no matter how hard he tried the pain he’s caused Thomas could never be washed away completely. The dark purple bruising marked shadows under his tired brown eyes. His body was slouched from exhaustion and face crestfallen and weary. “I’m sorry.” The blondes voice choked from the shame rising in his throat. Just looking at Tommy made him want to cry. He did this to the boy. To his boyfriend.

“Oh, Newt!” Thomas gasped, immediately moving forward to comfort the boy. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriends small frame and tucked him into his chest. His hands came up and gently rubbed Newt’s back and soothed his messy blonde hair comfortingly. “I’m sorry too.” He whispered, kissing the top of his boyfriends head. “I’m _so_ sorry. I don’t love her. I don’t want her. I want _you_ , Newt. I still love you. I will always love you.”

Newt couldn’t help it. It felt as if a damn had broke inside him and a flood of emotion crashed into him. Newt began to cry. His tears soaking the Tommy’s blood stained shirt. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Newt cried, pressing himself tightly to his boyfriends chest. The hand that belonged to his uninjured wrist tightly took hold of Thomas’s cotton t-shirt.

The arms that Thomas had around the blondes middle tightened. He needed to to feel Newt’s body against his own, feel his heartbeat. Thomas began to sob too, feeling relief wash over him that Newt was still alive. That he still loved him even after his terrible behavior.

Thomas pulled back from the blonde, his hands still making contact with his boyfriends frail frame. Thomas gently brushed some of Newt’s unruly hair back and caressed his pale, handsome face. “Please don’t scare me like that again.” Thomas whispered, voice cracking with emotion.

Newt, with tears in his eyes, nodded quickly. Anything he could say or do to make the devastated look disappear from Thomas’s face he would do it. “I won’t.” Newt said, even he was unsure if the promise were hallow or not.

With a great sadness in his eyes Thomas accepted the promise knowing it was probably a lie. He smiled warmly at Newt anyway, unable to make himself stop looking at or touching the blonde. He calmly wiped the remained or Newt’s tears from his cheeks with a swipe of his thumb. “You’re so beautiful.” Thomas said, affection shining in his eyes.

Newt hadn’t seen himself in a mirror but he knows better than anyone that someone surviving a suicide attempt almost never looks beautiful. He smiled at Thomas anyway and scooted over on the mattress of the bed making room for the brunette.

Thomas stood up and moved to lay down beside Newt on the rather small bed. Once Thomas had himself situated on the bed, despite barely fitting, Newt moved to lay his head against his boyfriends firm chest. Thomas moved his arm under the blonde to pull him in close. Newt scooted up and burrowed his face in the crook of Thomas’s neck, nuzzling the boy before settling back down and look up at warm brown eyes. “You look so tired, love. Let’s take a nap, okay?” Newt suggested.

Thomas laughed at this and nodded. He thought back to his reflection in the bathroom hours before and could understood why Newt wanted him to sleep. “Okay. Let’s take a nap.”

Both boys shifted slightly until they were comfortable enough in the cramped bed and closed their eyes. Newt fell asleep listening to the steady beat of Thomas’s heart and the comforting feeling of nimble fingers tracing patterns against his back.

Thomas watched Newt fall asleep in his arms and all the stress of the day dissipated. He was here with Newt now. And they were happy. And they were warm. And they were safe. And they were in love.

When Thomas fell asleep he felt as though he made it right with Newt. Made him see how scared he had been to lose him. Made him see how much he loved him. How much he needed him. The last thing he heard before following after Newt was the blonde boys soft, calming snores.

 

* * *

 

Minho had gotten a balloon and some food for Thomas to eat since he assumed Newt would still be asleep. When he opened the door and found both of the boys cuddling on the very small hospital bed he couldn’t help but smile. It was as if a weight had been lifted off his chest after seeing them sleeping safely in one anothers arms.

Minho quietly left the balloons in the corner of the room behind the chair Thomas had been sitting in so they would see it and the tray of food on the little end table beside the bed. This, Minho thought as he quietly backed out of the room and closed the door, is where they belong. 


End file.
